We saw a telugu movie , “Kalyana Vaibhogame”, over the weekend. It was about how a girl and a guy get into a contract marriage just to escape their parents pressure and decide to live together till divorce. Of course in pure cinematic fashion, both of them start appreciating the good characteristics of each other and fall in love after getting a divorce. The movie was good, nice feel good entertainer, everyone did well etc etc. That is not the point that I want to talk about. It is about friendship in a marriage. How the couple on screen eschewed marriage but then became friends. Love can come and go and so will everything, but when friendship develops in a relationship, it has a longer shelf life.
Some set out to marry their best friends, some couples evolve into friends after marriage. Whatever the sequence is, there is an ease, a comfort level that comes in, when communication flows easily without any hindrance. When two people can sit and talk together and exchange their views, then very few things remain an issue. The talk starts small. Talk about the small things in life – an article in a news paper, the cool morning of a summer, the random incident that happened in the bus. Start small, take small steps. If you read books, talk about them, talk about movies, talk about mundane stuff. That is how camaraderie grows. Talk and also listen. Listen actively, listen attentively, listen because you care.
When there is friendship, there is respect automatically in the relation, because every friendship is based on some amount of respect which might not be present within couples. With friendship, respect and communication in the marriage, love will always find a place even if it is not there all the time. After having been married for more than a decade and half, what I have found is that, when you talk things out, you tend to enjoy doing things together. When you start enjoying each others company, then there is a higher satisfaction in life. Satisfied people will be happier to be with.
It does take some time and commitment on both the parties to establish that comfort level. Two people do not need to start with similar interests, values etc to get to that state as long they agree to respect the others point of view.
I want my husband to be my friend, with whom I can share even the silliest of the dreams, the weirdest wishes. I want to be able to cry at a sentimental scene in the movie in his company or have the freedom to talk about the cause I believe in. I want my husband to take a kasam to be my friend forever in the theater of life.